Won't you please tell us something about yourself?

I'm a sweet and tender hooligan from Rhode Island (at least, I'd like to think so, so please humor me as much as your patience allows). In general, people don't like me much, as is obvious so far during my stint on "Caption This/That"-but that's quite alright with me because I seek not man's empty praise. However, despite it all, I fancy myself a writer/comedian/full-time asshole with a rather unusual style, that is my humor is often subtle, painfully honest, and as a direct result is oft (perhaps) considered misguided and ambiguous and very annoying but, as I stated before, I don't really care what you think of me, and so, to wit: "let the good times roll."

Any significance to your capping handle?

No significance at all really. Billy Zoom was the guitarist of the L.A. punk band "X," a band (somewhat) popular in the mid-`80s. I've always associated (in vain?) the so-called idea of "punk" with my style of writing, for good or ill; hence the name.

How did you discover Caption This! and/or Inventing Situations?

I disovered Caption This/Caption That/Inventing Situations seemingly by coincidence; but, unfortunately, I don't believe in coincidence, so perhaps it was Fate that drew me here amongst you, to forever "darken your towels," and be a target (for your rather misdirected) animosity.

When do you usually cap?

I usually cap late-night here on the East Coast, that is after work, especially after a couple-twelve beers. And I have a really good time doing so. You cappers do a great job, and even though most of you despise me, I appreciate the fact that you are willing to tolerate my bullshit, for the most part.

Favorite sites on the internet (Other than CT/IS)?

www.nhl.com (hockey uber alles!).

Favorite movie(s)/television show(s)?

"MST3K," old re-runs of "Hill Street Blues," "The Simpsons," ESPN's "Sport Center," and any movie starring Mickey Rourke when he was in his prime (both Mickey and I are washed up players in our respective fields, evidently).

If time and/or money weren't an object, what one thing would you do?

If time and money wasn't an object, then I would buy you all a beer, probably two or three or four, because it's no fun to drink alone.

Any words of advice you'd like to pass along?

To quote Elvis Costello: "Don't you think that I know that walking on water won't make me a Miracle Man?"

Date added: 08/10/02