Old folks not at home. And a squeezable ham. Plus tequila.

by UpSky2



 

Grandmothers - it made her remember a horrid thing her Gramma always told her about, during
her and Grampa's beach vacation. First some reckless kid in some gawrshawful modern excuse for a deathtrap of a vehicle went bouncing past recklessly... then...!:
"My Gosh! His coshtume is even worshe than ourshe!"
[Elbow nudge] "That man over there. The one who mentioned costumes. Get rid of him with one of your bad, bad jokes."
But Grampa alerted the beach patrol. Soon the madcap reckless driver and that booby in the bad costume were both under lock and key. - In the same cell! But that was the end of their vacation, really.
"Nice anecdote. ........ You know..... itmakesmeremember .... an amusing thing that happened whenmyowngrandfather was young... no, it wasnt his first meeting with my grandmama... it was...
... the time he was fixing the dashboard light on his '46 Chevy, you know how hard they were to reach. This intense salesman came by selling portable shaving machines, and gave him his entire spiel without even letting him get up.
...Grampa didn't buy any of course. He just stuck with his old straight razor.
I remember how smooth-shaven it made him look, by about 11 in the morning on Sundays.
But alas, he wasn't so good looking when Uncle Bob and I dragged him out of bed at 10 a.m.
"I'm sick of hearing about old men and their problems in the morning!" "So am I. What should we do now?" "Invent the escalator? Save us all these flights of steps." "No... lets visit the waxworks museum. I hear they have a good Captain Kirk."
The waxworks museum was only 23 light-years away. It made a pleasant little jaunt. But the museum guide was too pushy. When they got there, he stayed with them, doing gauche things like pinching the figures and saying:
"See? our new one is as *squeezable* as toilet paper!" But they met a girl there, who looked hot hot hot. However, when approached, she didn't turn out to be ...
... all that much of an Excellent Adventure.
So they bought some cheap tequila and watched the fireworks until they conked out. - Served them right for visiting Ocean City in those silly "medieval-bathwear" getups!

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