Bug Buster
AKA Some Things Never Die
(1998)
IMDb entry

Cast:

General George	Randy Quaid
Dr. Laurie Casey	Brenda Doumani
Shannon Griffin	Katherine Heigl
Sheriff Carlson	James Doohan
Dr. Hiro Fujimoto	George Takei
Veronica Hart	Meredith Salenger
Deputy Bo	Ty O'Neal

    Sometimes a bad movie can sneak up on you. I bought this movie looking for eye candy, going on the names of Katherine Heigl and Meredith Salenger (I just can't help myself with Meredith; she makes me feel all funny down there).

    Man, was I ever surprised with this thing.

    I didn't know that George "Sulu" Takei and James "I'm givin ya all she's got, cap'n!" Doohan were in it. I had no idea it featured Randy Quaid in what is perhaps the oddest, most over-the-top role he's ever played (and that's saying something). Well, he is on the front of the DVD, so I did know he was there, but the overboard weirdness of the character took me totally by surprise.

    Yes, I expected ugly bugs and a crappy plot. Sure, I expected clumsy rubber puppets and cheezy makeup effects. But I never suspected the caliber of bad movie that I had until I watched it. This, my friend, is one impressive cheeseball.

    The plot: The government okays the use of an untested chemical for spraying crops, resulting in a bunch of hungry bugs (cockroaches, I think) that start eating the residents of a small town. Doohan is the town sheriff, Takei is a scientist who likes watching animated bugs on a screen, and Quaid is the local shell-shocked exterminator. Ms Heigl is the central character, who has just moved into a local B&B with her parents.  One must always have the "new kid in town" in a movie like this, right?  She, of course, befriends a local boy, who is fairly smart but works in a local auto-repair shop because the shop owner took him in after his parents died when he was very young.  (That sentence does run-on, but I was able to say in that one sentence what took this movie an entire 5 minute scene to say.)  Ms Salenger is this local boy's ex-girlfriend, who still pines for his affection.  To be honest, Meredith does give a very good performance.  Far too fine a performance for a movie like this.  She really needs to find a better agent.

    Was that enough setup? No? Too bad, because that's all we get from the movie.

    I got my dose of eye candy in one of the opening scenes, where the voluptuous Miss Salenger takes a late-night dip in a lake with some guy who I guess is her boyfriend. The shot is from a long distance away, but she strips down to her undies before jumping into the water. After that, though, we get plenty of cleavage as they frolic and cavort. Very nice.  While they're playing in the water, the plot decides to start without them, and something bites Meredith on the leg. Can you blame it? I would too, if I was there. She's yummy.

    They take her to some kind of clinic, where she's bandaged up by a doctor. At least I guess she was a doctor, because she clearly didn't clean it before bandaging it and sending Meredith home. A little Bactine might have helped.

    Before long, Meredith becomes a victim to the creepy little monsters. Turns out the "bite" was actually bug eggs being planted in her by- oh, I don't know- a scuba-diving cockroach? (You'd think the doctor would have noticed that.) The scene had the potential of being really gory, but instead consisted of Meredith rolling around, screaming, and clutching her badly made-up leg in mock pain. They cut away and next thing we know, her character's dead with bugs crawling out of her nose. Huh?

    The lady doctor calls Sulu for advice, but can't seem to drag his attention away from some terribly animated bugs in a simulated cock(roach) fight on his computer (there's a really bad Tyson/Hollifield joke in this scene, so be sure to cover your ears). She sends him a sample of the mutated beasties she found, and he ends up as their lunch. Stick to the Trekkie conventions, George.

    For the bulk of the movie, the bugs rampage through the town, eating people and leaving behind husks that look like overchewed bubble gum.

    Let's skip to the final shoot-out, shall we? The heroes make their way to a cave on the outskirts of town (does every town have a cave on the outskirts or what?), where they find the nest of the flesh-eating uglies. It is there that they meet the queen bee of all rubber puppets, and boy is it ugly- er, I mean- angry! They also meet the bad guy who masterminded the whole thing, which is one revelation that left me scratching my head. Scotty, how could you?

    With 2 big lumbering uglies (the big bug and Doohan) in front of them, Quaid and the gang whip out the big guns and bombs, and all hell breaks loose. Well, almost all. Okay, some of it. A little bit. A moderately small amount of heck breaks loose. There is alot of insane screaming by Quaid, a ton of stumbling and mumbling by Doohan, oodles of random flailing by the bug, and truckloads of running scared by the rest.

    A few bad explosion effects later, the big rubber bug and all its little ugly babies are dead, and the cast lives pathetically ever after, at least until the "surprise" ending, which must've been intended to surprise your average tube worm, because it won't surprise anyone else.

Laughability: Sulu, Scotty, and Randy Quaid as the Orkin Man gone stone cold bonkers. 'Nuff said. 8 1/2 Cheese Logs.

Gratuitous Nekkidness: No, but with the always cute Katherine Heigl and the irrepressibly hot Meredith Salenger in the cast, eye candy was in plentiful supply. 3 1/2 Boobies. (4 very nice ones, actually, but they lose points for not losing their clothes.)

Gratuitous Action: Big guns, bombs, explosions, and a huge ugly rubber bug puppet. Yeah, baby. 4 Bullets.

Overall: Funny stuff. Rent it if you like bad sci-fi. 6 Cheeseburgers, with extra cheese.

A quick message to Meredith: What are you doing in a movie like this? And in a supporting role, at that! Get a good agent, girl!

Nice Shirt.	Must be one BIG cockroach.	General George
DEATH IS NEAR!	General George looks...	Say goodnight, Sulu.
How do you like your loster? Rare?  Medium well?	The General goes majorly nuts.	Okay, General, I think you got 'em.
"That jerk Shatner did this to me!  I could'a been on Broadway, but nooooo..."	The big bad mother fugly... Would you believe me if I told you that's its face?	General George takes on the mother fugly
More mother fugly	General George takes aim	The climactic (or not) fire fight.